Creating New Specialties

Are we just creating new names for specialties on a whim now?  I have never heard of a nocturnist before.  Wikipedia, you know, the source for anything official, says a nocturnist is “a hospital-based physician who only works overnight. Most nocturnists are trained in internal medicine or family medicine and have experience in hospital medicine.”

So, basically, a hospitalist who cannot see sunlight?   Does he bite people and drink their blood too?  Isn’t that a Draculist?

Come one.  This has to be a joke.  I can make up names too. Heck, this could be fun:

  1. Candiasist – a physician who only sees patients with yeast.
  2. Gloomist – a physician who only sees sad patients.
  3. Repugnist – a physician who only sees ugly patients.
  4. Phallist – a physician who only sees politicians.
  5. Pannist – a physician who only sees fat people.

Now it is your turn.  Send in some ideas for names of new specialties.  Be creative and share your humor!

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  13 comments for “Creating New Specialties

  1. JGDO
    September 2, 2017 at 10:20 pm

    Remunerist. Practice limited to those who pay well

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  2. Kathy
    August 31, 2017 at 5:16 pm

    A Press-ganeyist – a physician who makes all his/her decisions based on the main goal of increasing patient satisfaction scores.

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  3. Randy
    August 30, 2017 at 8:01 pm

    I was hoping the nocturnist could just sleep all night in the call room while the ER and a hospitalist handle things.

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  4. Kurt
    August 30, 2017 at 6:25 pm

    Doug, Where the hell have you been? The administrator at our rural hospital wants to banish us to the clinic and hire nocturnists!! I heard that term 2 years ago. We’ve resisted though if I was bribed with $250k to see 12 patients a day, work 8:30 to 5:00, no-call, no-weekends, no hassles,
    I’d whore myself ’cause it would be a helluva lot more I’m making now coming in 7 days a week to
    “tickle” the EHR and “sweetening” the records. Plus I’m one of the older guys looking to get out
    in 4 years or so.
    Then I’ll sit back, relax and laugh at the demise of family practice as a viable specialty.

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  5. Bill Ameen MD
    August 30, 2017 at 2:47 pm

    Hey Dr. Doug,
    How about a Fibroist or a Fatiguist? Or since they frequently coexist, a Fibrofatiguist!!

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  6. Jack
    August 30, 2017 at 12:18 pm

    Seriously though…..We have several diabetologists and lipidologists (most of whom are not doctors)

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  7. Aaron Levine
    August 30, 2017 at 10:44 am

    First, the concept of the nocturnist came after the hospitalist. They found that non academic centers had no on site doctors at night. The risks of complications jumps at night. One hospital said that one accreditation group (Not sure JCAHO) was going to require it as evidence of quality. There are billing issues. If the hospitalist or PCP sees the patient during the day, who gets paid for seeing the patient at night? No two billings on the same day.

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  8. Brinkdaddy
    August 30, 2017 at 10:26 am

    Humorist – physician who treats sick humor

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  9. Perry
    August 30, 2017 at 9:57 am

    Analist-a physician who sees only (fill in the blank).

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    • Kurt
      August 30, 2017 at 6:19 pm

      the anal retentive

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      • Seneca
        August 31, 2017 at 8:29 am

        Don’t forget Dr. Tobias Funke of the show “Arrested Development”. He was a psychiatrist who was both an analyst and therapist, so his business card listed his specialty as an “analrapist”

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  10. August 30, 2017 at 9:08 am

    Favorist – A physician who only sees the friends and relatives of his friends and business associates for free.

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  11. Thomas Guastavino
    August 30, 2017 at 7:42 am

    Masochist-anyone physician who continues to work under present day conditions

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