Friday Funny: Dr. Seuss vs. the Know-it-All Hospital Administrator by Vance Lassey MD

Dr. Seuss vs. the Know-it-All Hospital Administrator.

Presenting:

To Be On Call

 

Know it all.

Know it all.

That know-it-all!

That know-it-all!

I do not like that Know-it-all!

 

Do you like to be on call?

 

I do not like to, know-it-all.

I do not like to be on call.

 

If it made you a millionaire?

 

If it made me a millionaire.

I would not like it anywhere.

I do not like to be on call.

I do not like it, know-it-all.

 

Would you like to leave your house?

Would you like to leave your spouse?

 

I do not like to leave my house.

I do not like to leave my spouse.

If it made me a millionaire.

I do not like it anywhere.

I do not like to be on call.

I do not like it, Know-it-all.

 

Would you go treat chicken pox?

Would you go deliver shocks?

 

Not chicken pox.

Not for those shocks.

Not leave my house.

Not leave my spouse.

Not to be a millionaire.

I would not want to anywhere.

I would not like to be on call.

I do not like it, Know-it-all.

 

Foreign body! A cigar!

Go in! Go in! ER’s not far!

 

I would not go grab that cigar.

 

You may like it. You will see.

You may like to treat V.D.!

 

I would not, could not treat V.D.

Or that cigar! You let me be.

I do not like chicken pox.

I do not like to give those shocks.

I do not like to leave my house.

I do not like to leave my spouse.

If it made me a millionaire.

I do not like it anywhere.

I do not like to be on call.

I do not like it, know-it-all.

 

Migraine! Back Pain! Back Pain! Migraine!

If you don’t treat they will complain!

 

Not for that pain! Not for V.D.!

Not that cigar! No! Let me be!

I would not treat the chicken pox.

I could not, would not, give those shocks.

I will not up and leave my spouse.

I will not go and leave my house.

If it made me a millionaire.

I will not take call anywhere.

I do not like to be on call.

I do not like it, know-it-all.

 

Say! In the park? Out in the park!

A meth head fell down in the park!

 

I could not treat him in the park.

 

Would you, could you treat a sprain?

I would not, could not, treat a sprain.

 

Not him on meth. Not a migraine.

Not a cigar. Not V.D.

I do not like it, so you see.

Not from my house, not chicken pox.

Not from my spouse, to give those shocks.

If it makes me a millionaire.

I do not like it anywhere!

 

You do not like to be on call?

 

I do not like it, know-it-all.

 

Could you write Z-pak for sore throat?

 

I would not, could not, treat sore throat!

 

Would you treat a swollen scroat?

 

I could not, would not, treat that scroat.

I will not, will not, treat sore throat.

I will not go in for a sprain.

I will not treat that fake back pain.

Not the meth guy! Not V.D.!

Not the cigar! You let me be!

I will not treat the chicken pox.

I will not go deliver shocks!

I will not up and leave my house.

I do not like to leave my spouse.

If I become a millionaire.

I do not like it ANYWHERE!

I do not like to be on call!

I do not like it, know-it-all.

 

You do not like it. So you say.

Try it! Try it! And you may.

Try it and you may, I say.

 

If you let me be,

I will try it. You will see.

 

Say! I STILL hate to be on call!

I do! I hate it, know-it-all!

And I won’t Z-pak ® that sore throat.

And I won’t rub salve on that scroat.

And I won’t x-ray that weak sprain.

Or treat meth guy, or a fake migraine.

Or moist cigar. Or gross V.D.

Call really, really sucks, you see!

So I won’t treat the chicken pox.

Or treat asystole with shocks.

And I won’t come in from my house

And I won’t up and leave my spouse.

Not if I’d be a millionaire.

Say! I won’t take call ANYWHERE!

What do you say, know-it-all?

Can’t you see that I hate call?

 

Well, that’s too bad, you must heal all!

Heal all! Heal all! You must take call!

 

Heal all! Heal all? know-it-all?

Heal all, all call. MUST take all call!

Ok, then. Screw it!

NARCOTICS FOR ALL!

 

(Vance Lassey MD is a friend and former writer for the Placebo Journal back in the day)

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