Friday Funny: Dr. Seuss vs. the Know-it-All Hospital Administrator by Vance Lassey MD
Dr. Seuss vs. the Know-it-All Hospital Administrator.
Presenting:
To Be On Call
Know it all.
Know it all.
That know-it-all!
That know-it-all!
I do not like that Know-it-all!
Do you like to be on call?
I do not like to, know-it-all.
I do not like to be on call.
If it made you a millionaire?
If it made me a millionaire.
I would not like it anywhere.
I do not like to be on call.
I do not like it, know-it-all.
Would you like to leave your house?
Would you like to leave your spouse?
I do not like to leave my house.
I do not like to leave my spouse.
If it made me a millionaire.
I do not like it anywhere.
I do not like to be on call.
I do not like it, Know-it-all.
Would you go treat chicken pox?
Would you go deliver shocks?
Not chicken pox.
Not for those shocks.
Not leave my house.
Not leave my spouse.
Not to be a millionaire.
I would not want to anywhere.
I would not like to be on call.
I do not like it, Know-it-all.
Foreign body! A cigar!
Go in! Go in! ER’s not far!
I would not go grab that cigar.
You may like it. You will see.
You may like to treat V.D.!
I would not, could not treat V.D.
Or that cigar! You let me be.
I do not like chicken pox.
I do not like to give those shocks.
I do not like to leave my house.
I do not like to leave my spouse.
If it made me a millionaire.
I do not like it anywhere.
I do not like to be on call.
I do not like it, know-it-all.
Migraine! Back Pain! Back Pain! Migraine!
If you don’t treat they will complain!
Not for that pain! Not for V.D.!
Not that cigar! No! Let me be!
I would not treat the chicken pox.
I could not, would not, give those shocks.
I will not up and leave my spouse.
I will not go and leave my house.
If it made me a millionaire.
I will not take call anywhere.
I do not like to be on call.
I do not like it, know-it-all.
Say! In the park? Out in the park!
A meth head fell down in the park!
I could not treat him in the park.
Would you, could you treat a sprain?
I would not, could not, treat a sprain.
Not him on meth. Not a migraine.
Not a cigar. Not V.D.
I do not like it, so you see.
Not from my house, not chicken pox.
Not from my spouse, to give those shocks.
If it makes me a millionaire.
I do not like it anywhere!
You do not like to be on call?
I do not like it, know-it-all.
Could you write Z-pak for sore throat?
I would not, could not, treat sore throat!
Would you treat a swollen scroat?
I could not, would not, treat that scroat.
I will not, will not, treat sore throat.
I will not go in for a sprain.
I will not treat that fake back pain.
Not the meth guy! Not V.D.!
Not the cigar! You let me be!
I will not treat the chicken pox.
I will not go deliver shocks!
I will not up and leave my house.
I do not like to leave my spouse.
If I become a millionaire.
I do not like it ANYWHERE!
I do not like to be on call!
I do not like it, know-it-all.
You do not like it. So you say.
Try it! Try it! And you may.
Try it and you may, I say.
If you let me be,
I will try it. You will see.
Say! I STILL hate to be on call!
I do! I hate it, know-it-all!
And I won’t Z-pak ® that sore throat.
And I won’t rub salve on that scroat.
And I won’t x-ray that weak sprain.
Or treat meth guy, or a fake migraine.
Or moist cigar. Or gross V.D.
Call really, really sucks, you see!
So I won’t treat the chicken pox.
Or treat asystole with shocks.
And I won’t come in from my house
And I won’t up and leave my spouse.
Not if I’d be a millionaire.
Say! I won’t take call ANYWHERE!
What do you say, know-it-all?
Can’t you see that I hate call?
Well, that’s too bad, you must heal all!
Heal all! Heal all! You must take call!
Heal all! Heal all? know-it-all?
Heal all, all call. MUST take all call!
Ok, then. Screw it!
NARCOTICS FOR ALL!
(Vance Lassey MD is a friend and former writer for the Placebo Journal back in the day)