Top Ten Reasons Your Laptop is…. (sent in by a reader and for mature audiences)

EMR, uhhg.

Like most non-medical “advances” in medicine in the past decades(HMO’s, cost-limiting formularies, etc.), it has improved the lives of someone other than physicians.

The clerical staff no longer play find-the-chart, billing can e-file claims, my transcriptionists took the early retirement we subsidized at $.14/line for the last 10 years, and triage can track me around the #u(%ing globe with Mrs. Rotenbotham’s request for Flagyl and a Diflucan tablet, ready for my instant approval and insta-fax to the pharmacy of their choice with the stroke of a key.

All for the mere cost of my evenings, spent in front of its depressing glow.

“Death by a thousand clicks” my partner calls it.

So after spending more time with my laptop than my wife at night, I’ve come up with:


The Top Ten Reasons Your Laptop is Better Than Your Wife


10. Your leg doesn’t go numb if it sits on your lap for too long.

9. Its bottom stays warm even when its not turned on.

8. It shows me porn when I ask.

7. It doesn’t shut down if you press its buttons.

6. Upgrading does not involve lawyers for both parties.

5. You can’t catch any of its viruses.

4. Worms either.

3. You can increase brightness.

2. You can decrease its volume.

1. You don’t have to buy it jewelry every time it goes down on you.


Sir Writes-a-lot Of Scedulednarcs,

North Carolina


* from the editor:  I did not write this but I think it is damn funny.  I invite anyone to send in the T”op Ten Reasons Your Laptop is Better than Your Husband”

Douglas Farrago MD

Douglas Farrago MD is a full-time practicing family doc in Forest, Va. He started Forest Direct Primary Care where he takes no insurance and bills patients a monthly fee. He is board certified in the specialty of Family Practice. He is the inventor of a product called the Knee Saver which is currently in the Baseball Hall of Fame. The Knee Saver and its knock-offs are worn by many major league baseball catchers. He is also the inventor of the CryoHelmet used by athletes for head injuries as well as migraine sufferers. Dr. Farrago is the author of four books, two of which are the top two most popular DPC books. From 2001 – 2011, Dr. Farrago was the editor and creator of the Placebo Journal which ran for 10 full years. Described as the Mad Magazine for doctors, he and the Placebo Journal were featured in the Washington Post, US News and World Report, the AP, and the NY Times. Dr. Farrago is also the editor of the blog Authentic Medicine which was born out of concern about where the direction of healthcare is heading and the belief that the wrong people are in charge. This blog has been going daily for more than 15 years Article about Dr. Farrago in Doximity Email Dr. Farrago – [email protected] 

  2 comments for “Top Ten Reasons Your Laptop is…. (sent in by a reader and for mature audiences)

  1. Greg Miller
    January 20, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    If you want to have this be a legitimate site with insurance representatives, teachers and people from different aspects of life responding (which I think is great and makes this site more meaningful and powerful), then this type of joke (although amusing) is not appropriate.

    • Doug Farrago
      January 20, 2012 at 1:49 pm

      It is what it is. I thought the headline was an appopriate warning. No apologies.

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