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Here is how to handle the crap being sent our way….M.A.S.H. style:

Lt. Col. Henry Blake: Man. More stuff’s coming in from headquarters. New orders, regulations. Read that first one, Radar.

Radar: Uh, yes sir. Uh, the winners of the model yacht race at the cesspool are…

Lt. Col. Henry Blake: Not that, Radar!

Capt. Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce: Nah, let him read it! I haven’t seen a sports page in months!

Radar: First place went to Pvt. Norman Polanski with his yacht, the American Beauty Dream. Corncob construction, with toilet paper sails.

Capt. Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce: Ah, that Polanski has the sea in his blood.

Radar: Second prize to Corporal Timothy McInerney for his clipper, the Evangeline, carved from a pound cake his mother sent him six months ago.

Trapper: Hope he doesn’t invite us for dessert.

Radar: The remainder of the contestants didn’t finish due to a sudden undertow after breakfast.

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