Here is how to handle the crap being sent our way….M.A.S.H. style:
Lt. Col. Henry Blake: Man. More stuff’s coming in from headquarters. New orders, regulations. Read that first one, Radar.
Radar: Uh, yes sir. Uh, the winners of the model yacht race at the cesspool are…
Lt. Col. Henry Blake: Not that, Radar!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce: Nah, let him read it! I haven’t seen a sports page in months!
Radar: First place went to Pvt. Norman Polanski with his yacht, the American Beauty Dream. Corncob construction, with toilet paper sails.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce: Ah, that Polanski has the sea in his blood.
Radar: Second prize to Corporal Timothy McInerney for his clipper, the Evangeline, carved from a pound cake his mother sent him six months ago.
Trapper: Hope he doesn’t invite us for dessert.
Radar: The remainder of the contestants didn’t finish due to a sudden undertow after breakfast.