Dr. Poop
Say hello to Emory University medical resident, Dr. Hunter Johnson, who has donated stool samples for multiple patients who need life-saving procedures called fecal transplants. I always wanted to do a parody on the this procedure for the Placebo Journal but never got around to it. Pity. Fecal transplants are becoming a treatment of choice for recurrent C. diff infections. Basically, you take stool from a healthy patient and transplant it into the colon of a C. diff sufferer to restore the balance of bacteria. It’s not pretty. The story in this NBC news piece about Dr. Johnson is heartwarming if not gut wrenching. I love the quote where it says:
In addition, a good donor has to have predictable bowel habits and be able to perform, as it were, on demand. Johnson typically donates on the morning of a patient’s transplant. “They want it to be relatively fresh,” he said.
How can you not laugh? What if they need some stool stat? Do they order in Taco Bell for Dr. Johnson? Well, you have to give this guy credit. He may have a shitty job but feels good about himself. What? You didn’t think I would pass up a chance to get cheap laughs, did you? Think about it. The rest of this doctor’s life he will be shit on so why not enjoy his time to shine while he has it? Okay, I will stop. Please, send me your jokes or puns and I will make a top ten list for next week.
There was a story recently on NPR about a fellow who has developed a mail-order business selling his own poop to people who have a certain parasite. He first had to go to some country in Africa and walk around barefoot in outhouses where this parasite thrived. He got infected and now his poop has antibodies or whatever, and it’s cheaper and apparently more effective for his customers to do home transplants from his stock than get normal medical care; probably cheaper too.
Sorry I don’t remember details but you can probably track this down on the net. He has a website and there’s a whole underground of people who use this treatment but it’s on the QT because what he’s doing is illegal – of course!
Dr. Poop: “I’m sorry ma’am, my poop isn’t on your insurance company’s formulary. It looks like you need to get generic branded fecal transplants. Please go down under the 5th street bridge. There’s a bucket in a refrigerator box there, that serves as a bathroom for 5 homeless alcoholics. That’s tier 1 for your plan, and will only cost you three dollars.”
brilliant.
Moving into the custom fecal transplant business, Dr. Poop now offers creamy, extra crunchy, iron-enhanced red, and Johnny Cash black.
Patient orders: Dr. Poop eats:
Creamy Chinese Buffet, Pizza Hut Pan Pizza
Extra Crunchy Peanuts and Corn
Iron-Enhanced Red Chipotle
Johnny Cash Black Pepto Bismol
It is bits like these that make me miss the Placebo Journal.
Dr. Johnson, he’s #1 at doing #2!
Dr Poop really knows his S**t!
Eat shit or die?
Doug,
? Mother’s Day ? Really? dr poop 😉
Miss ya. Spencer turned me on to your site recently. Love It.
In my best Jay Mohr voice…
Well Doug.. You might say Dr Hunter gets paid ( hopefully) for laying down pipe.. (Or growing a tail)