Clinical Optimization
Anyone want a new job? I recently received this email:
Accenture Health delivers a wide range of healthcare solutions—from health information management and electronic medical records to clinical transformation and health analytics. Our solutions are backed by real-world experience, business and clinical insights and innovative technologies. Accenture Health helps organizations around the world use knowledge in new ways for more effective, efficient and affordable healthcare with Insight Driven Health.
From physician groups and community hospitals to academic medical centers, healthcare providers have opportunities to deliver better healthcare. Taking advantage of new technologies and using innovative care delivery models, healthcare providers can use knowledge in new ways to deliver more effective, efficient and affordable healthcare with Insight Driven Health.
We are currently seeking a Clinical Optimization Physician to work in our Management Consulting Practice.
Some of the highlights of this role include:
Advise on the improvement of clinical performance (cost and quality) through the use of information technology, process improvement and business model changes for health systems
Act as the translator between physicians, clinicians and IS across the continuum of care.
Educate, engage and support physicians and other users of clinical information systems.Some basic qualifications for this role include:
M.D. degree
0-5 years of clinical experience (after MD)
Ability to travel up to 100%
What the hell is a Clinical Optimization Physician? Isn’t this another term for Industrialized Medicine Consultant? How about Cattle Prodding Manager? Or Assembly Line Organizer? Please feel free to add some more to the comment section below.
Let’s see:
Slave driver?
Overlord?
Benedict Arnold?
Of course they want to hire some young physician with <5 years experience, so they can tell them how to think about quality and performance…their definition of optimization. They don't want a seasoned, knowledgeable physician who already knows what works and what doesn't. Coming to a practice audit near you.
Do you get at the top of the interview list if you have diphallia?
More like aphallia.
Certainly anyone with more than 5 years of actual clinical experience with real patients would be overqualified for this position and presumably smart enough to not apply.
Osteopaths need not apply apparently.
… Which would seem odd, since the thing they do so well is “manipulation.”
Sometimes I have fantasies of taking a job like this, (or Medicare auditor) just to get ill-gotten cash for creating as much misery and mayhem as possible, hastening a collpase of the whole rotten structure. Of course, the amount of liquor I’d have to consume to numb my conscience would quickly kill me…
Beat me to it.
A Judas goat is a trained goat used in general animal herding. The Judas goat is trained to associate with sheep or cattle, leading them to a specific destination. In stockyards, a Judas goat will lead sheep to slaughter, while its own life is spared. E.g. Dr. Jones, MD JG
Clearly, if you had obtained your MBA in health sciences from my on-line Trailerpark University, you would see that this position is for an expert in “Shaken-Baby Management.”
When there is a perceived crisis, management rushes to the site and shakes the baby until it stops crying. This explains a lot in healthcare managerial strategy.
[PS $12.50 on PayPal]
“…Our solutions are backed by real-world experience, business and clinical insights and innovative technologies. Accenture Health helps organizations around the world use knowledge in new ways for more effective, efficient and affordable healthcare with Insight Driven Health.
From physician groups and community hospitals to academic medical centers, healthcare providers have opportunities to deliver better healthcare. Taking advantage of new technologies and using innovative care delivery models, healthcare providers can use knowledge in new ways to deliver more effective, efficient and affordable healthcare with Insight Driven Health.”
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? Is this even English? It sounds like some spoof on a Saturday Night Live skit making fun of a company/business that uses ridiculous words/phrases like this just for the sake of making themselves sound important.
It’s CorpSpeak, but in Psychobabble dialect, Sir Bonz. Cutting edge technology and innovation require require commensurate semantics…
“Judas” fits pretty well.