Patient Noncompliance by Steven Mussey MD

€œPatient noncompliance terrorism

“Your patient is noncompliant with prescribed medication” reads the notice from the insurance company. Daily, we get these letters and faxes, tattling on our patients.

“œNo kidding! Tell me something I don’€™t already know!”, I often mumble.

Other times, the drug in question was stopped months ago.

More unhelpful paperwork! What do you with this nonsense?

Sometimes, I have fun.

When the patients come in, I tell them in a slightly menacing tone, “œYour insurance is unhappy you are not following physician orders. I hope they don’t do anything like increase your rates” as I ominously hand them a copy of the notice.

Many patients are instantly infuriated, screaming tirades against their insurance companies and President Obama. The fireworks can be quite entertaining.

Lately, I decided to take a more aggressive approach and send a thank you notification to the insurance company:

Dear Pharmacy Benefits Citizen Control:

Thank you for your recent notification about possible patient noncompliance with pharmacy medication.

Please rest assured this Internal Medicine practice takes patient noncompliance seriously. We are immediately investigating this horrific breach and will aggressively question the patient. If necessary, we will utilize all currently approved government enhanced interrogation techniques to extract the appropriate information and ensure future compliance.

Other practices may not have the stomach or courage to use the necessary level of force. Rest assured, however, we are ready, willing, and anxious to confront this violation with all means necessary.

Patient noncompliance violates the efficient administration of healthcare and damages the system as a whole. Once ingrained into the healthcare of the United States, it acts like a terrorist force, spreading destruction throughout this country.

This medical practice will not tolerate seditious patient medication noncompliance and immediately refers guilty patients for maximal punishment so they may feel the full weight of the law.

We look forward to your future reports about noncompliant perpetrators! If these wretched souls are allowed to spread their poison unchecked, it is just a matter of time before the terrorists control us all.

You are a Great American Company and we are proud to serve with you!

An American Physician Patriot

Douglas Farrago MD

Douglas Farrago MD is a full-time practicing family doc in Forest, Va. He started Forest Direct Primary Care where he takes no insurance and bills patients a monthly fee. He is board certified in the specialty of Family Practice. He is the inventor of a product called the Knee Saver which is currently in the Baseball Hall of Fame. The Knee Saver and its knock-offs are worn by many major league baseball catchers. He is also the inventor of the CryoHelmet used by athletes for head injuries as well as migraine sufferers. Dr. Farrago is the author of four books, two of which are the top two most popular DPC books. From 2001 – 2011, Dr. Farrago was the editor and creator of the Placebo Journal which ran for 10 full years. Described as the Mad Magazine for doctors, he and the Placebo Journal were featured in the Washington Post, US News and World Report, the AP, and the NY Times. Dr. Farrago is also the editor of the blog Authentic Medicine which was born out of concern about where the direction of healthcare is heading and the belief that the wrong people are in charge. This blog has been going daily for more than 15 years Article about Dr. Farrago in Doximity Email Dr. Farrago – [email protected] 

  1 comment for “Patient Noncompliance by Steven Mussey MD

  1. Perry
    February 27, 2015 at 1:22 pm

    Ve have vays of making you take your medication mwhahhhahhhha!

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