Hospital Meetings
I remember going to staff meetings years ago when I worked for a hospital. Brutal. Sure, I had some enthusiasm when I first started out but then I realized what an absolute waste of time it was. The people in charge, administrators, were going to do whatever they wanted to anyway while the minions, us doctors, thought we had a say in the matter. Silly doctors. Anyway, it got to be such a joke that doctors would just never show up anymore. Soon there were many more administrators there (because they keep replicating) then doctors. I also remember making up ways to stall a meeting or create chaos just for shits and giggles. I figured that if the administrators were going to torture me then I would both actively and passively torture them. I would have the group define “quality” when they were imposing ridiculous metrics. I would ask the opinion of a “slow talker” in order to grind the meeting to a halt. There were so many different ways to do this that it became fun. Alas, I don’t go to meetings anymore but I did see this hysterical article on the 10 Tricks to Appear Smart During Meetings. Brilliant. I highly recommend you try some of these at your next hospital meeting. It will piss off the administrators and hopefully slow some ridiculous policies down.
Actually the reason for meetings is job justification for administrators . It gives them something to put on their resume. One key point with meetings is whatever you do, don’t ask questions because you will only prolong the agony.
Once again, right on the money, Dr. Doug! I would add #11, try to use the word “paradigm” at least once! God, I hated staff meetings and avoided committees like the plague (especially “ad hoc” committees!). I rarely even had staff meetings in my office unless there were major issues…everything else got solved in a day-to-day basis without wasting anybody’s time. When I was an ER director in 1979 I had to serve on the Executive Committee…Jeez, did I feel like a turd in a punchbowl!
When some suits spoke to our hospital staff a couple of years ago about “Lean Six Sigma” and put up a slide that looked like six bowling balls, all the doctors sat there silently. I filed out with a cardiologist friend and said, “I have two degrees and am a member of Mensa, and I have no idea what the f*** they were talking about!”