Detailed, independent research has indicated that two of the favorite activities pursued in celebrating New Year’s Eve involve drinking, and gettin’ busy. To that end, there are warnings and tips aplenty for ringing in 2016, none more timely than the following:
- As my final “really stupid study of the year” offering for 2015, I give you a study from the University of Florida, published in the Journal of Preventive Medicine, that warns of a link between gonorrhea rates and the price of alcohol. The state of Maryland raised booze taxes form 6% to 9% in 2011, and recorded 1,600 fewer cases of the clap in the subsequent 18 months. The state population is 5.8 million so let’s lop off a third to account for minors (22.6%), those over 65 and nursing homers (13.8%), and other “non-actives.” The 1,600 newly applause-silent represent 0.04% of the potentially frisky. The decades-long case of anal warts known as the Center for Science in the Public Interest was pushing the Old Line State to increase booze taxes years before they did it, and now come the nags and do-gooders from Florida to make this disease a contagious one. “If policymakers are looking for methods to protect young people from harmful STIs, they should consider raising alcohol taxes, which have decreased remarkably over the years due to inflation,” nags lead researcher Stephanie Staras. Has this busybody ever spent any time in Maryland? While the state’s policy decisions and choices for elected representatives certainly indicate impaired thinking, curtailing their access to cheap alcohol only worsens a depressing situation. (By way of full disclosure, I was born at the University of Florida, and graduated from their medical school. That school and town love to party, and it’s just plain embarrassing for them to make spurious moral choices for less fortunate areas. Go Gators!) Who would have guessed that being soused makes you less likely to consider catching an STD? A lot of people of marginal attractiveness owe great holiday memories to the possibilities of inebriation, and it stinks that some are trying to ruin their good time.
- Planning on tipping a few for New Year’s Eve despite the threat of a Monday G-C swab? If you prefer the wobbly drive home to the hung over walk of shame, and do see those instantly sobering blue lights in the rearview mirror, fear not, you have a new out: “A New York judge has dismissed a drunk driving charge against a woman who took steps to prove her body works as a brewery, using excess intestinal yeast to turn ordinary food into alcohol, resulting in breathalyzer readouts that generally would indicate life-threatening intoxication.” Dr. Anup Kanodia of Ohio, “an Auto-Brewery Syndrome expert who monitored and tested the woman”, states between 50 and 100 people have this disease and are likely unaware of it. The New York defendant was “found driving on a flat tire with “ glassy-bloodshot eyes and slurred speech.” She said she had three cocktails, but a breathalyzer found her blood alcohol content was .33 percent.” Possibly the greatest attorney ever, Joseph Marusak told reporters, “She can register a blood alcohol content that would have you or I falling down drunk, but she can function.” Damn. All it takes are some extra carbs? Ice the bubbly, I’m off to the Krispy Kreme!
So there we have it, to much New Year’s cheer will up your risk of a strategically unfortunate bacterial infection, but if you are suffering Auto-Brewery syndrome, it might not be your fault. At which point the increased alcohol tax revenues from Maryland and elsewhere should go to paying your disability and ACA-approved antibiotic subsidies. Until this new strain of gonorrhea hits our shores.
A very Happy New Year to us all , Cheers!Tweet