Ridiculous Study of the Week: Zipper Injuries


 Although the separable fastener, marketed as the zipper, has become a necessary component of modern life, its convenience comes at a price: its attack upon the penis. Nearly 2000 US males sustain a zipper-related penis injury (ZIRPI) annually, and many of these accidents require emergency surgery. Nevertheless, the zipper has been tolerated quietly for 100 years on account of its unsurpassed ease of use.

A 2013 study in which data were extrapolated from the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System (NEISS) showed that an estimated 17,616 patients presented to emergency departments with ZIRPI in the United States between 2002 and 2010.1 In this landmark research, the authors found that zippers are the most common cause of penile injury among men and are a close second to toilet seats among boys. Prior to this study’s publication, the literature on ZIRPI largely consisted of anecdotes or isolated case series from various medical centers.

Yes, ZIRPI.  You read that right. A ZIRPI is not a mixed drink.  It is worse.  Much, much worse.

I am going to NOT rip on this study for one reason and one reason only.  The article goes on to say:

ZIRPI has a storied history in popular culture, having been featured in media such as the 1998 film There’s Something About Mary, in which a high school boy (played by Ben Stiller) misses his chance to go to the prom with his dream date (played by Cameron Diaz) because he gets his penis stuck in his zipper.

Any article that mentions Something About Mary is a friend of mine.

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