Wait Until You See The Schedule from the New AAFP Well-Being Conference


Family Physician Health and Well-Being Conference

Naples Grand Beach Resort in Naples, FL | April 25-28, 2018

Welcome to well-being. Rejuvenate and pay us dearly during a three-and-a-half-day onsite experience, while creating an action plan to help reduce risk or actual causes of physician burnout. A component of the AAFP’s Physician Health Fifth initiative, this one-of-a-kind conference (not to be confused with any other bogus conference) is purposefully designed to address the unique challenges family physicians face.

At this conference, you will:

  1. Come together with other family physicians to realize how shitty the job is.
  2. Hear experts from across the country engage on the subject of well-being, though none of them have ever practiced medicine.
  3. See solutions for improved professional satisfaction and better patient care within a broken system; all of which are unproven and are just a fantasy.


7:00 – 8:00 am Optional Morning Group Activities: Crying session, PTSD therapy, and more.
8:00 – 9:00 am Breakfast
9:00 – 9:30 am Welcome and Opening Keynote: Why are WE Here: How the AAFP has Aided Others in Destroying         Physician Well-being
9:30 – 10:00 am A Broken System: How the AAFP Still Capitalizes Financially
10:00 – 10:30 am Coaching: Creating a Thriving Practice Culture with Only a Spoonful of Vaginal Yeast. Wait, what?
10:10 – 11:00 am Break
11:00 am – 12:15 pm Workshop Sessions:

  • Cyanide Capsules
  • Carbon Monoxide Play
  • How to Roll a Joint in 3 minutes or Between Patient Visits
  • Conversations that Connect (via Suicide Hotline)
  • Fiscal Well-being & Debt Management for the New Physician: a.k.a. How to File for Bankruptcy.
  • Quadruple Aim Blueprint Strategy (Caffeine, Ambien, Scotch and Porn)

12:15 – 1:30 pm Lunch
1:30 – 2:45 pm Workshop Sessions:

  • Responding to Suffering: Why Infidelity May Be Your Best Bet
  • Becoming an Administrator: From Being Bullied to Being the Bully
  • Physician Burnout: An Occupational Health Crisis That Makes the AAFP Wealthy

2:45 – 3:15 pm Break

3:15 – 4:20 pm Workshop Sessions:

  • Family Matters And How to Take Care of Them in the 24 Minutes You See Them a Day
  • Building a Team Inside the Exam Room for Primary Care So That You Never See a Patient Again
  • EMR Pearls to Click and Paste Your Way Into Level 4 Heaven

4:30 pm Adjourn
5:00 pm Participant Reception (in the Lobby there is a small table near the fire exit. Tap water is available).
7:00 pm Optional Evening Group Activities: Small group discussions on why DPC is Your Only Chance to Be Happy


7:00 – 8:00 am Optional Morning Group Activities:
Yoga for Providers, Group Run, and more. Because adding more shit to your day is a great way to decrease stress.
8:00 – 9:00 am Breakfast & Roundtable Discussions
9:00 – 9:45 am Opening Plenary: Reducing the Drivers of Burnout in the Clinical Workplace, and Understanding How This Will Never Happen Inside the System
9:45 – 10:15 am Coaching: Learning to Accept Misery
10:15 – 10:45 am Break
10:45 am – 12:00 pm Workshop Sessions:

  • Yoga for the Obese Stress Eater
  • Cultivating a Servant Heart: Productivity Through Embracing Guilt
  • Building a Team Inside the Exam Room: Why Should Doctors Ever See a Patient When There Is Money to be Made?
  • EMR Pearls and Documentation Sanity: Drylab, Drylab, Drylab.
  • Finding Your Voice: Advocating for Yourself, Your Patients, & Others (You know, in your spare time.)

12:00 – 1:15 pm Lunch
1:15 – 2:30 pm Workshop Sessions:

  • Yoga for the Alcoholic Physician: Stretching Helps You Drink Mor
  • The Healer’s Stories: How Naturopathy Helps You Get Rich and -Not Blamed for Killing Patients
  • The Art of Delegation: Again, Don’t Care for Patients, Just Make Money
  • Direct Primary Care: The Token Common Sense Lectureship
  • Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle on a Physician’s Schedule: Comedy Relief Break

2:30 – 3:00 pm Break
3:00 – 4:15 pm Workshop Sessions:

  • Practical Approach to Walking in Balance
  • The Healer’s Stories: A Touchy-Feely Doc Tells You How Much Worse You Could Have It (“At least you’re not a Hatian Refugee.”)
  • Change Talk: Implementing Motivational Change in Yourself: You’ll be motivated for 12 hours
  • Direct Primary Care (Wait, 2 common sense lectures in an entire weekend conference? No way.)
  • Principle-based Lean Leadership to Prevent Physician Burnout: -Teaching Administrators Reasoning Skills and Other Exercises in Futility
  • Fiscal Well-being & Debt Management for the Physician Mid–Career & Beyond: If You’d Saved Up, You Could Quit Now, Idiot.

4:15 pm Adjourn
7:00 pm

  • Optional Evening Group Activities (The Jonestown Reinactment)
  • Small group discussions – topics TBD, if any attendees can’t drink the Kool-Aid


7:00 – 8:00 am Optional Morning Group Activities:
Yoga for Providers, Group Run, and more. Because Sleep is Not Important in Stress Reduction
8:00 – 9:00 am Breakfast
9:00 – 9:45 am Opening Plenary: Medical Improv: Way Less Funny Than “Who’s Line Is It Anyway?”
9:45 – 10:15 am Coaching: Being a Leader to Help Create a “Well” Team, and by “well” we mean not well, but also not complaining to administrators
10:15 – 10:45 am Break
10:45 am – 12:00 pm Workshop Sessions:

  • Become a More Relaxed, Healthier Physician: Quit and Open a DPC.
  • Cultivating Compassion & Gratitude: If you didn’t already have this, WTF are you doing in Family Medicine
  • Capturing the Joy in Medicine: There is no Joy inside the system, this lectuer is about kidnapping a nurse named Joy
  • Using Strength to Build Your Team & Improve Satisfaction: Again we mean this literally. You must workout to attain the physical strength to beat your team into submission.
  • We All Make Mistakes But only Physicians are Penalized For Them: How To Escape Culpability By Going Into Administration
  • Reducing the Drivers of Burnout in the Clinical Workplace: How To Discretely “Eliminate” Administrators and Guarantee an Airtight Alibi

12:00 – 1:15 pm Lunch
1:15 – 2:30 pm Workshop Sessions:

  • Become a More Relaxed, Healthier Physician: Quit Giving a Shit
  • Beyond Resilience: Watch Scenes From “Rocky” & “The Passion Of The Christ” Which Makes the Beating You Take Daily Seem Tame
  • Finding Faith in Medicine: A Doctor Named Faith Has Gone on a Dissociative Fugue, and we Need Your Help in Finding Her.
  • Physician Leadership Power Tools: How to Use a Hammer Drill To Give Yourself a Frontal Lobotomy
  • Managing Connections for Building Resilient Performance: Ok, We’ll Admit It,This is Really Just an Opportunity for a Nap
  • Reducing the Drivers of Burnout: Telling Medicare and Insurance to Get Bent.

2:30 – 3:00 pm Break
3:00 – 4:15 pm Workshop Sessions:

  • Yoga for the Suicidal Physician (Disclaimer: The Yoga Makes it Worse)
  • The Contemplative Physician: Stop Contemplating Staying in the System.
  • Improve Satisfaction: Tell Your Boss to “Suck It” (Seriously what could possibly be more satisfying at work?)

4:15 pm Adjourn: Go home and Try Not To Kill Yourself OR start a Direct Primary Care practice!

(For those that don’t realize it yet, this is just a parody.  It may be harsh but there are reasons and truth behind the jokes. The AAFP has agreed to, and financially benefited from, everything that has caused our burnout).

(Click here to sign up for your free bonus weekly newsletter.  No spam. Ever.)
  • Editor’s Note: Thank you Vance Lassey MD (former PJ writer) for your help on this.

Douglas Farrago MD

Douglas Farrago MD is a full-time practicing family doc in Forest, Va. He started Forest Direct Primary Care where he takes no insurance and bills patients a monthly fee. He is board certified in the specialty of Family Practice. He is the inventor of a product called the Knee Saver which is currently in the Baseball Hall of Fame. The Knee Saver and its knock-offs are worn by many major league baseball catchers. He is also the inventor of the CryoHelmet used by athletes for head injuries as well as migraine sufferers. Dr. Farrago is the author of four books, two of which are the top two most popular DPC books. From 2001 – 2011, Dr. Farrago was the editor and creator of the Placebo Journal which ran for 10 full years. Described as the Mad Magazine for doctors, he and the Placebo Journal were featured in the Washington Post, US News and World Report, the AP, and the NY Times. Dr. Farrago is also the editor of the blog Authentic Medicine which was born out of concern about where the direction of healthcare is heading and the belief that the wrong people are in charge. This blog has been going daily for more than 15 years Article about Dr. Farrago in Doximity Email Dr. Farrago – [email protected] 

  3 comments for “Wait Until You See The Schedule from the New AAFP Well-Being Conference

  1. Randy
    November 12, 2017 at 8:56 am

    Here’s a link to the actual schedule, which sounds like only somewhat less of a parody than Doug’s version:


    It does include workshops in Primal Play and Kayaking in Rough Waters. They also have a lecture “A Broken System: The AAFP Response”. My guess is that the response is “Hey don’t blame us”.

  2. Jay Cooperman
    November 12, 2017 at 8:16 am

    You’ve managed to do it again Doug, to make me laugh and feel sick to my stomach at the same time. Well done!

    • David Grant
      November 15, 2017 at 7:45 pm

      I laughed so hard I had to stop reading at least six times. Brilliant.

Comments are closed.