Friday Funny: Dr. Seuss vs. the Know-it-All Hospital Administrator by Vance Lassey MD

Dr. Seuss vs. the Know-it-All Hospital Administrator.

Presenting:

To Be On Call

 

Know it all.

Know it all.

That know-it-all!

That know-it-all!

I do not like that Know-it-all!

 

Do you like to be on call?

 

I do not like to, know-it-all.

I do not like to be on call.

 

If it made you a millionaire?

 

If it made me a millionaire.

I would not like it anywhere.

I do not like to be on call.

I do not like it, know-it-all.

 

Would you like to leave your house?

Would you like to leave your spouse?

 

I do not like to leave my house.

I do not like to leave my spouse.

If it made me a millionaire.

I do not like it anywhere.

I do not like to be on call.

I do not like it, Know-it-all.

 

Would you go treat chicken pox?

Would you go deliver shocks?

 

Not chicken pox.

Not for those shocks.

Not leave my house.

Not leave my spouse.

Not to be a millionaire.

I would not want to anywhere.

I would not like to be on call.

I do not like it, Know-it-all.

 

Foreign body! A cigar!

Go in! Go in! ER’s not far!

 

I would not go grab that cigar.

 

You may like it. You will see.

You may like to treat V.D.!

 

I would not, could not treat V.D.

Or that cigar! You let me be.

I do not like chicken pox.

I do not like to give those shocks.

I do not like to leave my house.

I do not like to leave my spouse.

If it made me a millionaire.

I do not like it anywhere.

I do not like to be on call.

I do not like it, know-it-all.

 

Migraine! Back Pain! Back Pain! Migraine!

If you don’t treat they will complain!

 

Not for that pain! Not for V.D.!

Not that cigar! No! Let me be!

I would not treat the chicken pox.

I could not, would not, give those shocks.

I will not up and leave my spouse.

I will not go and leave my house.

If it made me a millionaire.

I will not take call anywhere.

I do not like to be on call.

I do not like it, know-it-all.

 

Say! In the park? Out in the park!

A meth head fell down in the park!

 

I could not treat him in the park.

 

Would you, could you treat a sprain?

I would not, could not, treat a sprain.

 

Not him on meth. Not a migraine.

Not a cigar. Not V.D.

I do not like it, so you see.

Not from my house, not chicken pox.

Not from my spouse, to give those shocks.

If it makes me a millionaire.

I do not like it anywhere!

 

You do not like to be on call?

 

I do not like it, know-it-all.

 

Could you write Z-pak for sore throat?

 

I would not, could not, treat sore throat!

 

Would you treat a swollen scroat?

 

I could not, would not, treat that scroat.

I will not, will not, treat sore throat.

I will not go in for a sprain.

I will not treat that fake back pain.

Not the meth guy! Not V.D.!

Not the cigar! You let me be!

I will not treat the chicken pox.

I will not go deliver shocks!

I will not up and leave my house.

I do not like to leave my spouse.

If I become a millionaire.

I do not like it ANYWHERE!

I do not like to be on call!

I do not like it, know-it-all.

 

You do not like it. So you say.

Try it! Try it! And you may.

Try it and you may, I say.

 

If you let me be,

I will try it. You will see.

 

Say! I STILL hate to be on call!

I do! I hate it, know-it-all!

And I won’t Z-pak ® that sore throat.

And I won’t rub salve on that scroat.

And I won’t x-ray that weak sprain.

Or treat meth guy, or a fake migraine.

Or moist cigar. Or gross V.D.

Call really, really sucks, you see!

So I won’t treat the chicken pox.

Or treat asystole with shocks.

And I won’t come in from my house

And I won’t up and leave my spouse.

Not if I’d be a millionaire.

Say! I won’t take call ANYWHERE!

What do you say, know-it-all?

Can’t you see that I hate call?

 

Well, that’s too bad, you must heal all!

Heal all! Heal all! You must take call!

 

Heal all! Heal all? know-it-all?

Heal all, all call. MUST take all call!

Ok, then. Screw it!

NARCOTICS FOR ALL!

 

(Vance Lassey MD is a friend and former writer for the Placebo Journal back in the day)

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Douglas Farrago MD

Douglas Farrago MD is a full-time practicing family doc in Forest, Va. He started Forest Direct Primary Care where he takes no insurance and bills patients a monthly fee. He is board certified in the specialty of Family Practice. He is the inventor of a product called the Knee Saver which is currently in the Baseball Hall of Fame. The Knee Saver and its knock-offs are worn by many major league baseball catchers. He is also the inventor of the CryoHelmet used by athletes for head injuries as well as migraine sufferers. Dr. Farrago is the author of four books, two of which are the top two most popular DPC books. From 2001 – 2011, Dr. Farrago was the editor and creator of the Placebo Journal which ran for 10 full years. Described as the Mad Magazine for doctors, he and the Placebo Journal were featured in the Washington Post, US News and World Report, the AP, and the NY Times. Dr. Farrago is also the editor of the blog Authentic Medicine which was born out of concern about where the direction of healthcare is heading and the belief that the wrong people are in charge. This blog has been going daily for more than 15 years Article about Dr. Farrago in Doximity Email Dr. Farrago – [email protected]