My New Favorite Medical Excuse

Sometimes my mind wanders. Sometimes I have this internal conversation that acts as a little critic saying such things as “That’s bullsh%t” or “No way, they’re lying” and on and on. This came up recently when I read this article in the Wall St. Journal called No Ride for You? Uber’s Risky Ratings. The gist is that Uber wants respect to go both ways and feels some riders need to be excluded for their bad behavior. Ok, I get that. The social media world is pissed because they feel some of these ratings are unfair. Ok, sounds reasonable. Then the article listed some examples and that is when my brain went into overdrive:

Yet, while Uber’s examples of poor behavior seem reasonable—yelling at your driver or leaving behind your trash—many users reported receiving low ratings based on factors outside their control. One said he got bad ratings for taking too long to get in and out of the car. He is disabled. Several American riders noted they received low scores abroad because they couldn’t speak the native language. And one elderly woman said she suspects her low ratings come from a health condition which gives her bad gas.

Disability? Can’t speak the language? All reasonable excuses. Bad gas? What the f%ck? Excuse me, Miss Daisy, but what health condition allows you to hotbox the driver? I’m sorry but if you can’t hold it for a 15-minute ride then I agree with Uber here. And I just love how people make up their own medical excuses. I can just see her asking her doctor for a note to allow her to “fart at will” when in an Uber. It would look like this:

“Miss Daisy has a condition where she will continually pass gas. Please allow her farts to be her emotionally support animal. Thank you, Dr. F”.


“Please allow Miss Daisy to Dutch Oven on as needed basis”.

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