Don’t buy a female doctor a crockpot for Christmas

I will say this one time: Don’t buy your female doctor friend/cousin/daughter-in-law a crockpot for Christmas.

Because this really is a conversation about the invisible workload of women

We’ve come a long way, it’s true. But we have further to go. 

Women still do the majority of the invisible work related to family and household. 

We do most of the caregiving and most of the cleaning and other household chores.

We also use up a LOT of brain space remembering who needs new cleats for soccer, who has to go to the dentist on Thursday, and who needs cupcakes for the holiday party at school. Not to mention scheduling grooming appointments for the dog, ordering Amazon grocery delivery and knowing how much toilet paper is left in the house.

And that’s only the stuff on the homefront.

At work, there are more expectations like this.

When I was the only female doctor at my family practice, the male doctors assumed that I would take care of choosing and buying Christmas presents for the staff. Because I was the girl. 

So let’s talk about why we female doctors don’t want a crockpot, or any other implied meaning gift, for Christmas.

#1: Crockpot meals do not fit into female doctor schedules. They cook for 4-6 hours! By the time you get home, that shit is dry. (Don’t even talk to me about programming the crockpot to start at a certain time. I have a D.O. degree. but I do NOT have the brain space or time to figure out when to defrost the meat, then put it in the crockpot at 5:30am, then program the crockpot to start at a certain time, then hope it doesn’t set my house on fire while everyone is out. No. thank. you.)

#2: We are tired of being superwoman/supermom. Your gift assumes that we are in charge of meals for our family, in addition to all the other things we’re in charge of (not least, co-raising our children and saving lives on the daily).

#3: We don’t want to fit into your idea of how we should be wives, moms, or women. We are breaking through glass ceilings and breaking barriers. There’s an expectation that to make a good home, you need a crockpot {or matching Fiesta ware, or a 4-slice toaster, or a food processor, or …}. We do things differently. 

#4: Maybe, just maybe, we want a gift that’s actually for US instead of for the house and the family.

Please just ask us what we really want

If we want a crockpot, we will ask. 

Or, we might ask for a massage, a gift certificate for a housecleaner, a fabulous pair of shoes, or a meal delivery service.
Or a gigantic Starbucks giftcard – because to a doctor, free caffeine = love.

Rant complete. Happy Holidays ya’ll!!!

(This one got out late. Sorry Errin!!)

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Errin Weisman DO

Errin Weisman, DO is the self-proclaimed wellness guru on Authentic Medicine. She is a life coach, podcaster and fierce advocate for wellness in medicine. She faced professional burnout early in her career and speaks openly about her story in order to help others, particularly female physicians and working moms, know they are not alone. Dr. Weisman wholeheartedly believes to be a healer, you must first fill your own cup. She lives and practices life coaching and medicine in rural Southwestern Indiana, loves her roles as farmer’s wife, athlete and mother of three.You can find out more about Dr. Weisman on her podcast Doctor Me First, her website or hang out with her on social media @truthrxs. Her podcast is “Doctor Me First”. 

  4 comments for “Don’t buy a female doctor a crockpot for Christmas

  1. Denise
    January 11, 2020 at 9:51 am

    Agree wholeheartedly with the basic premise but my go-to gift for housewarming/wedding is an InstantPot no matter the gender of recipient

  2. Kurt Savegnago
    January 9, 2020 at 2:12 pm

    Now doing the domestic chores as my nurse/wife passed away January 25th last year. I was 31 years old when I married with her being 5 years younger. I know how to cook and clean as I had to do it for years and thought I’d be a lifelong bachelor. I use every tool including pressure Cooker’s now. I also provide care for a 25-year-old autistic spectrum son. He has developed language and is relatively high functioning but will never be able to care for himself. He is about at the level of an 8-year-old. I always like to buy gifts that have some use such as a very good high-quality rechargeable flashlight or very interesting digital portable radio that covers the sharp wave and amateur bands. I try to find something that has universal appeal. I do agree with Dr. Weiseman. When in doubt ask. I am retiring in 22 months once I hit Medicare age. After undergoing salvage therapy for prostate cancer and currently NED, I want to have some time to smell the proverbial roses before I croak

  3. Mamadoc
    January 8, 2020 at 9:50 pm

    Gee, I have used a crock pot for years. Nothing quite like walking in the door and smelling dinner already cooked. I just to the prep the night before after dinner and then put the crock into the appliance before leaving home. A lot of things can cook 8-10 hours. Back in the day I used a lamp timer to turn it off if food didn’t need all day. All that being said, her point is well taken. Women do have to use a lot of brain space to take care of the minutia of family life. In my generation that was just the way it was….. and yes, don’t buy a crock pot unless she asks.

  4. Pat
    January 4, 2020 at 10:12 pm

    I love using my crock pot, especially in the colder months. I highly recommend this recipe for Mississippi Pot Roast

    Minimal prep time, and a crowd pleaser! (Make sure to serve over egg noodles ?)

    Of course I’m a dude, so no extra points …

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