What is My Point?

Before I started my journey on the interview trail, I knew I had to be cautious of what I shared on social media. With my classmates making their profiles private and changing their names, I will admit that I was somewhat nervous to keep putting myself out there. But as Austin concluded in this article, I felt that it was important  that I be comfortable using social media and having complex discussions online. Moreso, I felt that I needed to be myself. I felt that if a program didn’t care for my content, they would not genuinely care for me.

As I continue my journey on the interview trail, I still believe this is the case. But for some reason I’ve been finding it more and more difficult to find my voice. Every stance I take or point I make I can’t help but question – what will others try to debate?

How do I talk about wellness without sounding lazy? If I say something is hard, does that make me weak? How do I discuss the costs of medical school without sounding entitled? If I say I experienced imposter syndrome, will they think I’m incompetent? Insecure? Unprepared? And what position am I in to be questioning the state of our healthcare system? A system in which I haven’t even been offered a job, let alone experienced what it is like to actually be employed as a physician.

Despite my hesitation to create new content, I have been very open in my application about my online activity. Interviewers have asked me about my personal blog, Marin In Medicine, as well as specific articles published here on Authentic Medicine. I’ve shared about my involvement with the group SoMeDocs (Doctors on Social Media) and my role as a moderator of their weekly Twitter Chat.

But even so, every time I sit to write, I come to this point – a point where I need to make a point. A conclusion. I need to tie together my ramblings in a way that the reader will remember the purpose of all the word vomit that I have just thrown up onto the page. 

So what is my point? My point is that this is hard! It’s hard to have an opinion, to write with a purpose when you’re constantly questioning if you should even be writing at all. When you don’t feel supported you try very hard to remain non-controversial, to avoid criticism or being discredited. My point is that future doctors should be encouraged to find their voice, and supported when they share their opinions – whether you agree or not! Now more than ever, rising physicians need to become leaders in healthcare, but how is that supposed to happen if we are taught from the get-go to keep quiet and keep our heads down? It’s up to us to be the change we want to see in the healthcare system, and part of that is deciding, and talking, about what those changes look like.

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Kailee Marin

Aloha! My name is Kailee Marin, I'm a DO student in California. I was 15 years old when I decided to go to medical school. I spent three years in Hawaii getting my bachelors, then I came straight to CA to pursue my dream. These three years have been a rollercoaster - the best and worst of my life. I've spent med school listening to, and participating in the complaining of my classmates. I've come to realized that it's all the same. It comes down to the common barriers that current and future doctors face - and it starts in medical school. Moral injury being disguised as burnout so that institutions can pretend they care... But moral injury can't be fixed by wellness Wednesdays, or fitness Fridays. I have realized, to heal moral injury, you have to treat the underlying cause. And there are so. many. causes. So I guess I have a lot to talk about! As an aspiring psychiatrist, I feel compelled to advocate for mental health. This includes the mental health of my colleagues, my future patients, and myself. 

  3 comments for “What is My Point?

  1. Arthur Gindin
    January 20, 2020 at 11:53 pm

    If you have nothing to say, leave the page blank.

  2. Steve O'
    January 13, 2020 at 8:34 am

    PS: Women in American society are predisposed to this sort of insecurity. If you look at what the expectations are for women to express academic achievement, their blemishes are pointed out – or rather, their humanity. The ideal female candidate for medical school admission will soon be an android, or rather gynaecoid robot, that got 1600 on SAT’s and 15’s on the MCAT; had a 4.0 and competed in the Olympics as a sprinter, with a medal. And one that does not cry. Our whole society disparages humanity; why should corporate industrial medicine be any different?

  3. Steve O'
    January 13, 2020 at 8:20 am

    The process of intimidation began long before medical school, Kailee, and it follows a particular pattern. That way, the manipulators at each stage can easily pick up the threads of control. Before I started my journey on the interview trail, I knew I had to be cautious of what I shared on social media. The new phenomenon of social media invokes a friendly paranoia, as was seen in the USSR during the Stalin years – be exceptional, and exceptionally mediocre!

    My point is that this is hard! It’s hard to have an opinion, to write with a purpose when you’re constantly questioning if you should even be writing at all. When you don’t feel supported you try very hard to remain non-controversial, to avoid criticism or being discredited.

    Anything that happens persistently, perniciously and is obvious to the persons involved, must be considered intentional; and the intimidation of physicians is no accident.
    You ask, (a)nd what position am I in to be questioning the state of our healthcare system? A system in which I haven’t even been offered a job, let alone experienced what it is like to actually be employed as a physician.
    The system now seems to have become infected with the absurd opinions of Marx, as though what he wrote was to be implemented in society. “Commodities, instead of human labour, are seen as the lynch-pin of capitalist society.” Medicine is a price-able object, and you are a thing that produces RVU’s for a certain price. Being hired for a job as a physician is now like being hired as a clerk at a grocery store. By the next generation, the traditional ways of medicine will be obliterated, and the “workers” cowed and ingrained to fit into the same system that manages greeters at Wal-Mart. See, e.g. Wikipedia on Commodification. It seems in business school, they take too literally its similarity to “Commode.”
    What results is an outward habit of paranoia, as is trained into spies and secret agents – endlessly checking that something real from inside doesn’t leak out.
    Those who believe in Frederick Taylor’s approach to industry have finally infected medicine with its pernicious assumptions. As the Wikipedia article asserted, “Slavery is a form of the commodification of people. ” If slavery is made too obvious, it will generate outrage, so it needs to be self-administered with an LD50 of insecurity. “try very hard to remain non-controversial, to avoid criticism or being discredited.” Who are the masters who can criticize or discredit? How dare they?
    The rot goes deeper than you have suggested, much deeper. Now have a nice Monday.

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