Seven. Minute. Abs. Who Needs Training? Who Needs Education?

We really think they can shorten that intense, hands-on online work, don’t you? Maybe they should count the volunteer work they did in high school towards the degree? Even better, how about doing it in 18 months? No. No. Not 18! 19 is the key number……

Hitchhiker You heard of this thing, the 8-Minute Abs? 

Ted Yeah, sure, 8-Minute Abs. Yeah, the exercise video. 

Hitchhiker Yeah, this is going to blow that right out of the water. Listen to this: 7… Minute… Abs. 

Ted Right. Yes. OK, all right. I see where you’re going. 

Hitchhiker Think about it. You walk into a video store, you see 8-Minute Abs sittin’ there, there’s 7-Minute Abs right beside it. Which one are you gonna pick, man? 

Ted I would go for the 7. 

Hitchhiker Bingo, man, bingo. 7-Minute Abs. And we guarantee just as good a workout as the 8-minute folk. 

Ted You guarantee it? That’s – how do you do that? 

Hitchhiker If you’re not happy with the first 7 minutes, we’re gonna send you the extra minute free. You see? That’s it. That’s our motto. That’s where we’re comin’ from. That’s from “A” to “B”. 

Ted That’s right. That’s – that’s good. That’s good. Unless, of course, somebody comes up with 6-Minute Abs. Then you’re in trouble, huh? 

[Hitchhiker convulses] 

Hitchhiker No! No, no, not 6! I said 7. Nobody’s comin’ up with 6. Who works out in 6 minutes? You won’t even get your heart goin, not even a mouse on a wheel. 

Ted That – good point. 

Hitchhiker 7’s the key number here. Think about it. 7-Elevens. 7 dwarves. 7, man, that’s the number. 7 chipmunks twirlin’ on a branch, eatin’ lots of sunflowers on my uncle’s ranch. You know that old children’s tale from the sea. It’s like you’re dreamin’ about Gorgonzola cheese when it’s clearly Brie time, baby. Step into my office. 

Ted Why? 

Hitchhiker ‘Cause you’re fuckin’ fired!

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  3 comments for “Seven. Minute. Abs. Who Needs Training? Who Needs Education?

  1. Steve O'
    April 5, 2020 at 7:53 am

    “Try it, what have you got to lose?” America needs more health professionals in line with conventional wisdom and Presidential pharmacotherapy. Hydroxyquine is jus big-word Mumbo-Jumbo for the good old Z-Pak. Think of itlike a coronavirus kegger. Chug! Chug! Chug!!

  2. Steve O'
    April 4, 2020 at 8:29 pm

    American educational system and how it progressed over 200 years:
    #1) Train people to be diligent WORKERS so that they can be productive in horrible jobs.
    #2) Needing CONSUMERS more than WORKERS, teach people to substitute gullibility for perspicacity so that they literally can’t tell quality from crap.
    #3) Train people to be animatronic actors in a directorless play, so they literally cannot tell what they truly believe, or are just cast in a role, ordered to emote certain credible gestures.
    We seem to be on a relentless path to degrade humanity into something subjugated to whatever Authority tells us. Five-minute turbo-doctors aided by Dr. Watson curing Coronavirus? Of course. That is what I’m supposed to say, right?

  3. Kay Victor-Adamczak
    April 4, 2020 at 2:29 pm

    Are they freaking kidding???
    Patients in jeopardy, but who gives a shit
    when you are a doctor wanna be!?

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