You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’

Turn the lights down low, screw the cap off the bottle of red, and put on some Barry White…yeaaahh… smooth…

Or does that make you a potential killer?  Some junior writer or incredibly subtle satirist addressed the concerns of an increasingly moronic public appetite, answering the burning question “Is it safe to have sex during the coronavirus pandemic?”  Dear merciful heavens, are we really that stupid? (Don’t answer that – this headline is perhaps even more idiotic.)

It isn’t enough that families who live in the same home are being arrested for being visibly near one another outdoors.

Now social distancing means, ““Start talking on the phone, have video chats, sext or have phone sex if that’s your thing,” wrote OB/GYN Dr. Jen Gunter for the New York Times.  The New York City Health Department is recommending solo flight, stating, ““You are your safest sex partner.”  

The author informs us that “The virus is mainly spread through touch or respiratory droplets, which means kissing can easily transmit the virus,” while public health academician Dr. Carlos Rodriguez-Dia assures, “There is no evidence that the COVID-19 can be transmitted via either vaginal or anal intercourse.” 

This is going to lead to a lot of unusually uncomfortable interactions, dating failures, and increases in the sales of alcohol and video games.  

The upside is that anyone trying to meet these contortions is unlikely to reproduce for some time.

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