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One of the striking phenomena of modern medicine is the impulse within a large portion of its practitioners to nanny and nag their neighbors, ignorantly and grossly misapplying the precepts of the Hippocratic Oath, which itself has been perverted in the popular imagination into some sort of Universal Promise to forcibly comfort all personkind in all of its ills and fears.  

So if you’re one of this new breed of unsolicited, plainclothes health commissars, then congratulations:  these are the organic, fat-free, all-vegan salad days of your upcoming Glorious Age.  You are validated in “The Safety Precautions You Should Take When Returning to Restaurants, According to Medical Professionals.”

“You should always wear your mask for indoor dining, says Robert Segal, MD, President of LabFinder.com. Dining outdoors is significantly safer, but it’s still a good idea to have your mask on.”  What this article doesn’t make clear is why anyone so susceptible to fashionable nervousness would even go out to eat, or why they would sacrifice their remaining dignity by looking so ridiculous in a once-leisurely pursuit. 

Read the rest of this if you are of like mind, or if you have a strong stomach.  And stay the hell away from my table.

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