Reservations Required

One of the striking phenomena of modern medicine is the impulse within a large portion of its practitioners to nanny and nag their neighbors, ignorantly and grossly misapplying the precepts of the Hippocratic Oath, which itself has been perverted in the popular imagination into some sort of Universal Promise to forcibly comfort all personkind in all of its ills and fears.  

So if you’re one of this new breed of unsolicited, plainclothes health commissars, then congratulations:  these are the organic, fat-free, all-vegan salad days of your upcoming Glorious Age.  You are validated in “The Safety Precautions You Should Take When Returning to Restaurants, According to Medical Professionals.”

“You should always wear your mask for indoor dining, says Robert Segal, MD, President of Dining outdoors is significantly safer, but it’s still a good idea to have your mask on.”  What this article doesn’t make clear is why anyone so susceptible to fashionable nervousness would even go out to eat, or why they would sacrifice their remaining dignity by looking so ridiculous in a once-leisurely pursuit. 

Read the rest of this if you are of like mind, or if you have a strong stomach.  And stay the hell away from my table.

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Pat Conrad MD

Pat Conrad is a full-time rural ER doc on the Florida Gulf Coast. After serving as a carrier naval flight officer, he graduated from the University of Florida College of Medicine, and the Tallahassee Family Medicine residency program. His commentary has appeared in Medical Economics and at . Conrad’s work stresses individual freedom and autonomy as the crucial foundation for medical excellence, is wary of all collective solutions, and recognizes that the vast majority of poisonous snakebites are concurrent with alcohol consumption.

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3 Responses

  1. Joel says:

    How DOES one dine with a mask on?

  2. Rando says:

    I’m a believer in wearing masks and wear one all day at the office. Personally if you’re outdoors and more than 6 feet away from non-family I don’t see the need for one though.

    This has become more than political, it has become the moralists vs the heathens and that’s the aspect that bugs me. Hectoring, shaming and annoying nagging haven’t been that effective for me trying to convince patients about their health. Social media has become a morass of one side shaming and accusing people of murder for not wearing a mask, and the other boasting about not being a coward.

    And in my experience there are people that tolerate the masks poorly. In my practice surprisingly it’s been more people with claustrophobia or PTSD, though some COPDers have trouble too.

  3. stuart says:

    “why they would sacrifice their remaining dignity by looking so ridiculous”

    Well-reasoned reasoning for not wearing masks: they make us look bad.

    Your continued over-the-top invective against those who have different opinions from yourself dilutes the force of your argument.

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