Medical University Endorses Trump

Last week, The New England Journal of Medicine opposed the re-election of the President and removed any “perception of neutrality and credibility” remaining after it that had to retract a fraudulent study on hydroxychloroquine shortly after its publication.

Following the lead of the NEJM, other medical institutions have publicly taken sides in the upcoming election. Here are excerpts from one University’s endorsement of the President:

“The Transnational Research University of Medical Progress endorses Donald J Trump for re-election. DJT has acted in the most scientific manner in confronting the novel coronavirus which came from Wuhan.

“DJT is pushing the envelope looking for new treatments. Early in the pandemic, when no treatment was available, he touted hydroxychloroquine following lab studies showing in vitro activity against SARS-2 and clinical studies suggesting efficacy. He intuitively understood the concept of asymmetric risk, of using a benign medicine that might have a large benefit. Or, as DJT would say, “What the hell do you have to lose?”

“DJT brought the full weight of the federal government to bear on the coronavirus problem by promoting a public-private partnership to produce new therapeutics. Anti-virals, convalescent plasma, antibody cocktails and vaccines are being produced at breakneck speed. Similar to the concept of Nike pre-printing “Super Bowl Champion 2021” tee-shirts for both teams before the game so they are ready to be used the second the game ends, competing drug companies have been paid to pre-produce millions of vaccine doses before knowing which one will work.

“When researchers explained to the President that the virus was killed by UV light, DJT went the next step. ‘And then I said, supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or some other way, and I think you said you’re going to test that, too.’ Out of the box thinking will lead to real advances.

“Reminiscent of Dr. Barry Marshall who experimented on himself by drinking H. Pylori to prove it caused ulcers and could be cured by antibiotics, DJT shunned masks and allowed himself to contract COVID. He then took The Regeneron, not to mention famotidine, zinc, Vitamin D, remdesivir and dexamethasone. No president since James Garfield has served as a guinea pig for so much unproven treatment. (As you may remember, Alexander Graham Bell used his newly invented metal detector to try to locate the bullet inside Garfield.)

“Embracing the path of true scientists, DJT is skeptical of dogma. When asked if climate change is responsible for California’s forest fires, DJT answered, “I don’t think science knows.” Truer words were never spoken.  He understands science is trial and error. It is about questioning assumptions, not jumping to conclusions. The chain of causality from human CO2 production to forest fires is tenuous at best. It is religion, not science, that imbues its leaders with Faucian infallibility. 

“In conclusion, T.R.U.M.P endorses Donald J Trump big league. He is the most scientific president in the history of presidents, maybe ever.” 

(Editor’s Note: I love humorous stuff. This is satire. Please do not make this into a political food fight in the comments. We are trying to stay out of politics as much as we can).

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