Ridiculous Study of the Week: Zipper Injuries


 Although the separable fastener, marketed as the zipper, has become a necessary component of modern life, its convenience comes at a price: its attack upon the penis. Nearly 2000 US males sustain a zipper-related penis injury (ZIRPI) annually, and many of these accidents require emergency surgery. Nevertheless, the zipper has been tolerated quietly for 100 years on account of its unsurpassed ease of use.

A 2013 study in which data were extrapolated from the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System (NEISS) showed that an estimated 17,616 patients presented to emergency departments with ZIRPI in the United States between 2002 and 2010.1 In this landmark research, the authors found that zippers are the most common cause of penile injury among men and are a close second to toilet seats among boys. Prior to this study’s publication, the literature on ZIRPI largely consisted of anecdotes or isolated case series from various medical centers.

Yes, ZIRPI.  You read that right. A ZIRPI is not a mixed drink.  It is worse.  Much, much worse.

I am going to NOT rip on this study for one reason and one reason only.  The article goes on to say:

ZIRPI has a storied history in popular culture, having been featured in media such as the 1998 film There’s Something About Mary, in which a high school boy (played by Ben Stiller) misses his chance to go to the prom with his dream date (played by Cameron Diaz) because he gets his penis stuck in his zipper.

Any article that mentions Something About Mary is a friend of mine.

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  7 comments for “Ridiculous Study of the Week: Zipper Injuries

  1. October 10, 2017 at 1:31 pm

    They hint at the toilet seat accident with young boys. Poor kids are just tall enough to use the toilet standing and after picking up the lid it comes crashing down. Who knew going to the bathroom was such a dangerous place?

  2. Pat
    October 10, 2017 at 11:29 am

    Think that’s why Caitlyn Jenner finally got “the” surgery?

  3. Steve O'
    October 10, 2017 at 10:58 am

    This observation could never merit a trendiness score without touching on the politically exciting topics du jour.
    Some appearance-normalizing clothing for transmen is not body-friendly. Chest binders, which reduce the prominence of breasts, are frequently made with the unfriendly zipper. It is a shocking example of maleism and phallopower centrism to speak of the cruel fly zipper, which often attacks transwomen‘s nether parts, without reference to the equally body-hostile nipple-nipping zippered chest binder. The BMJ and NEJM and JAMA have clearly skirted shirked their responsibility in bringing this threat forward! Studies must be done. Guidelines must be issued. Checkboxes must be checked. No threat is contained until buried in ennui and paperwork! To the Ramparts of the Ivory Tower!!

  4. Perry
    October 10, 2017 at 9:37 am
  5. October 10, 2017 at 9:28 am

    Two words: Hair gel

  6. Perry
    October 10, 2017 at 8:49 am

    Makes me believe we should go back to buttons.

Comments are closed.