Shifting Perspectives

Last week while on a walk with a friend, she shared that her son had recently been given detention for being 5 minutes late to school. Initially, upon receiving the detention, her son had become very upset and frustrated. He was angry that he was being forced to do this and waste his time. As this had been his first offense, my friend also felt that her son had been given the detention a bit hastily, so she planned on talking to her son’s advisor. However, a couple of days went by before she had the opportunity to do so. Just as she was preparing to email the advisor to schedule a time to talk to him, she mentioned it again to her son. To her surprise, her son said, “It’s okay, mom. I’m actually kinda looking forward to the detention now.” In shock, my friend asked what had changed. It turned out that her son’s friend had also been given detention, and now they would share in this experience together.

As my friend and I talked about this, we quickly realized that this was a clear example of how our perspective can change an experience. The situation really hadn’t changed. Her son still had to go to detention. He would still be “wasting” the same amount of time. Yet, the circumstance had turned into an opportunity instead of a burden through the shift in perspective. Of course, in this particular case, he was now excited because it would be a chance to be with a friend. However, the reality of what was required of him was no different. 

In light of this, I would like you to consider: What is something that I am unhappy about having to do? And, what is a different perspective that I can take that might make the situation/moment less onerous? There are countless duties that we are all required to fulfill within the various roles that we play. And, regardless of how much we may have wished to have each of those roles or titles, more often than not, several of the demands or obligations that may be part of playing each of those are likely things that we would never happily or willingly choose for ourselves. Thus, over time these expectations may weigh heavily upon us detracting from our joy. But, we have a choice. We may not always be able to choose WHAT we have to do, but we can choose HOW we see it, HOW we approach it, and HOW we do it.

The question, though, is how do we change the how? This is where the crux of the matter is. I can tell you that it is NOT through force, it is NOT through willpower, and it is NOT by trying to be extra positive and convince ourselves that we love doing something that we hate. I can guarantee that any attempt at changing the how through these methods will fail miserably, and only leave you feeling worse. We can only effectively change the how through our BEING. It is our being that drives how we are and how we engage with our lives. If our being is curious, playful, loving, and centered on its deepest values, it will allow us to see all that we are confronted by through the perspective of possibility. However, this does not magically happen. And, we cannot command our brains into this being. This is something that takes intentional and committed practice. It requires deep listening and observation. So, we must intentionally decide that we want to engage with our life and our world form a new place of being-one that enhances our joy; we must commit to the daily practice of deep listening and connection to our bodies, and we must make space so that we can hear the gentle voice of our Sage mind. It is this inner voice of wisdom that will give us insight on how to shift from thoughts and reactions that do not support our journey into our true BEING to responses that do.

In the example above with my friend’s son, he was able to shift his BEING from one that had been “wronged” by this detention to one that enjoys the company of his friends. In this case, the shifting came more naturally and automatically, as it was life itself that presented him with the opportunity to support one of his values-friendship. However, through the intentional practice and commitment that I speak of, we can train ourselves to make these same types of BEING shifts even when life keeps circumstances static.

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