CAHPS CHAPS Us All (at least it should)

In the never ceasing desire to make healthcare worthless in America, CMS has chimed in on a trend that everyone seems to be doing – and that is caring at all what strangers think.  The country has gone nuts with the need to have perfect Google reviews and a 5 Star perpetually; A Yelp review from Slothbutt69 seems to carry more weight than personal experience.  Strangers can make or break a company and entire industries have sprung up in the “review fixing” genre.  You can pay someone to cater your Google review up and work to challenge the bad reviews off.  

I have two ideas on how to fix this wacky issue, and the first one has been alluded to.  Stop caring.  Have the guts to make an opinion on your own.  I have seen in the “NextDoor” App which does similar ratings and seeking of opinions phrases such as, “I have always had good luck and good service there, but after reading this I’ll be more careful \ I’ll quit using them \ etc.”

So, someone is willing to care SO MUCH about what a stranger thinks that they will discount even their own experience.  Someone writes about a cricket leg in their sandwich and you stop going forever? Even though they brought the cricket leg in with the intent of sabotaging the Google Yelp ratings for their own reasons?  Quit reading the reviews and businesses will quit caring which means quit paying fees to them – and quick as a wink Yelp goes the way of Ask Jeeves – gone gone gone.

The second idea is a fixer for sure – stop allowing it.  For this I mean into the healthcare sector – I think these review businesses that do nothing but judge companies that actually do something should be allowed to exist for other entities – but not healthcare.  I am in fact suggesting a law be passed to stop online reviews of healthcare – be it a medical assistant all the way to hospitals and insurance companies.  Certainly, clinics and doctors and other providers should be exempt.

My reasons for blocking any and all rating systems from existing in the healthcare world are two-fold.  First, what if a good or even great rating is received?  I can speak to doctors most directly on this issue, but everyone is the same – we like to hear nice things about us.  We hear a lot of negative, we heard next to never praise from Parents or spouses, we live in a rushed and almost entirely thankless world.  A glowing review makes us feel good and validated – and we are going to want that feeling to continue.  So when that patient comes in the next time and really wants an MRI they don’t need, or a pain med refill that is just a few days early – you may do the right thing, but you will at least think about it.  And that is when we will all lose our objectivity and that is why all reviews are bad and reviews in healthcare need to be banned – reviews change behavior.   They work.

The other reason for banning them for us is the flip side – what if the review blasts you personally and destroys the clinic’s well-earned reputation?  WE CANNOT RESPOND.  HIPAA steps in and makes it actionable to respond in any way.  You just are dying to send in your own review – “they were drug seeking idiots that left screaming because you felt like 8 mg of Xanax a day was too much.”  You just got sued and likely will be brought up before the board.  

So, we are absolutely helpless to this review issue.  I suppose that if posting any review about a healthcare entity waived any and all HIPAA protection I would be happy enough.

BUT

Now CMS is on the act.  They have decided in their wisdom to base a percentage of YOUR Medicare advantage bonuses on – reviews!  Not from peers but from your patients!  It is called: Consumer Assessment of Healthcare Providers and Systems or CAHPS. 

My understanding is that this is no small potato number either.  It’s 30%!

So, in the spirit of the Placebo Journal, I would like to make a list of reasonable and actionable ways for doctors to increase their CAHPS score.  Feel free to add comments about your own ways to help this nonsense.

Increase your healthcare reviews!

  1. Beer in the waiting room
  2. Vibrating toilet seats
  3. R – rated movies in the waiting room
  4. Topless Tuesdays (seeing me topless would at least give a laugh)
  5. 10 Percocet with every 5-star review
  6. And yes, for the Karens out there – actually doing my job and never having a negative outcome

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