What Can’t You Be With?
Several years ago I was taking a coaching course and the facilitator asked the participants to write down something that we couldn’t be with. That is, something that we found really annoying and irritating and didn’t ever want to have to deal with. I recall not having to think long about what that was for me: ENTITLEMENT. Presently I forget exactly what had occurred days prior, but something had happened that had made me feel very irritated with my children and their entitled attitude. So, I quickly proceeded to write down ENTITLEMENT, and think about all the ways that my children and others exhibited entitlement. The facilitator then went around the room asking each participant about what they had written down, and when she got to me I smugly said, “Entitlement”, and proceeded to give all the examples I had thought of. She intently listened to what I was saying and gave me the space to “get it all out”. Once I was done babbling, she took a moment and then very directly asked me, “Where in your life are you entitled?”
What?! At first I was taken aback and questioned if I had heard her correctly. Had she just asked ME where in my life I was entitled? She had clearly gotten it wrong-I wasn’t entitled, others were. Fortunately, I stopped myself from blurting that out, and paused for a second to consider what she had asked. In that moment my self righteous blinders were removed and the reels of the many times in which I displayed entitlement began to play in my head.
At first, this realization made me feel ashamed. I felt guilty about how I had been judging others while never seeing how I, too, fell prey to the same type of behavior. Yet, I somehow also experienced liberation. A blindfold had been removed from my eyes, and I could see myself and others more clearly. Suddenly I held empathy for those that I had been judging. I could better understand how their entitled behavior came about, and how they might not be aware of said behavior. And, I was even a bit curious and excited to further investigate this part of myself that I had never acknowledged before. It was another step in my journey to deeper self discovery.
So, I invite you to consider what it is that you can’t be with. What drives you nuts and annoys the heck out of you? What behaviors, attitudes, and actions by others do you find so incredibly difficult to tolerate? And, then, consider how and when YOU display similar behaviors, attitudes, and actions. You will learn a great deal about yourself, and your perspective on others will shift.
It is likely that the reason those particular behaviors irritate you so much is because they “step on” one or more of your most important values. When you are finally able to recognize that under certain circumstances you not in alignment with one of your own deepest values, you will be inspired to find a way to better honor that value. If you allow yourself the grace to do this in a gentle and kind way towards yourself, then overtime you move a step closer to being and living as your truest self.
Always enjoy your contributions Cecilia.
I see now entitled is the right word. I use words like “reward” and “owes me.” I was raised very poor, worked and still work very hard. I “deserve” happiness and good things. Says who?? 90 hour work weeks, making half what my specialist colleagues make (a tenth of what the opthos make) isn’t “fair” – another useless word.
Doctors.
Can’t stand ’em.
Bunch of spineless, self-centered, know-it-all, blowhards.
I avoid the crap out of ’em.
But I can’t avoid myself. Oh, the irony.