Dear Ethics Review Board
Dear Ethics Review Board,
As we are a few months into this pandemic and summer of 2020 is drawing to a close, I wish to propose a grand experiment. Although there will be variations on the theme for nearly everybody, the experiment will focus on college aged kids. I want to take a kid that has suffered a bit from depression, and match them to another kid with similar backgrounds and likely some depression in their past as well. I want to stick them in a 10 foot by 18-foot room, ban them from leaving their room except to eat, all their classes will be virtual, if they leave their room they will have to be masked. I realize that no court would allow this treatment of any prisoner, but I think it will give a lot of data. True, college aged people have a right at zero percent chance of dying from this pandemic. With this severe isolation it’s possible that four or five lives could be saved – but when we generalize this experiment to over 100,000 kids we will get several hundred excess deaths through suicide, which I completely do not care about and will never comment on publicly.
There might be some criticism of my experiment- so I want to be able to revoke the medical license of any physician that disagrees with me.
Once people are tired of the isolation approach to pandemic management, they will be ready for a vaccine. I plan on bullying one company into putting my name on their vaccine patent even though I had no part of its development – unless you count my help in “sharing” proprietary information from another manufacturer and blocking the traditional vaccine from coming to market for 18 months longer than needed. That way I can make large undisclosed amounts of money from a product that I am in the approval pathway for – an obvious conflict of interest if ever there was one.
So, dear ethics review board, approve my plan, or I will label you as unscientific as well and remove your licenses as well. Don’t test me. I got rid of a president and am killing many of our youth – I’d have no problem getting rid of you.
Sincerely,
You-know-who, MD
I told my son, “You will marry the girl I choose.”
He said, “NO!”
I told him, “She is Bill Gates’ daughter.”
He said, “OK.”
I called Bill Gates and said, “I want your daughter to marry my son.”
Bill Gates said, “NO.”
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.”
Bill Gates said, “OK.”
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, “NO.”
I told him, “My son is Bill Gates’ son-in-law.”
He said, “OK.”
This is how politics works.
I like it! Sarcasm has a great way of getting a point across. You should check out the old Placebo Journals of Doug’s. Priceless!
Wait … are you saying that mob sentiment should NOT drive medical recommendations? That’s pretty extremist.