The Biggest Lie
How many of you are waiting for X to be happy? Unfortunately, most of us live our lives in this manner. When I was in high school, I thought, “I’ll be happy when I get into the university I want to go to.” Once I was there, I thought, “I’ll be happy once I get into medical school.” Then, it was, “I’ll be happy when I’m in residency.” And finally, “I’ll be happy when I’m an attending”. Interspersed within all of these were many other “I’ll be happy when’s”, such as, “I’ll be happy when I get married, have a baby, buy a nicer house, go on vacation, stop working nights, make more money, get a promotion, etc., etc.“. Sadly, most people go to their graves waiting to be happy “when”. And the greater travesty is the fact that this is the biggest lie there ever was.
The human brain is wired first and foremost for survival. What this means is that it is always working to “protect us”. It’s always on the alert, for if we become complacent, we are in greater danger of death. This was likely true for our pre-historic ancestors who lived in a world where they were constantly facing physical dangers. In today’s day and age, this doesn’t quite play out in the same way. However, the survival part of our brain that was wired millions of years ago does not understand this. So, it tries to keep us from falling into “complacency” by judging everything. It causes us to judge ourselves, others, and every situation. It tells us that we cannot be happy with our current selves or with our current lives. It convinces us that we need to do X or have Y to be happy. It pushes us incessantly to attain that goal, and if we fail it judges us mercilessly. And, when we do reach our goal, it is satisfied for maybe a second before it decides that what we just attained is not really what we need to be happy and convinces us of the next thing that we will never be happy without. It is endless!
Now, some of you may be thinking, “Well, without judgment I would be nothing. Judgment of self, from others, and of the circumstances is what keeps me motivated. This is how I became a doctor. This is why I have been successful.” These thoughts, too, are products of neural patterns from our survival brain that exist to keep us from straying too far and putting our survival at risk. So, what is the right thing? Does this mean that we should not have any goals? That we should just “BE HAPPY” with everything in our lives and not work towards improvement? Of course NOT! What we can do is learn how to see and enjoy the gifts and beauty in our lives today while we work towards our goals and dreams.
But how? Can we simply tell ourselves to be happy? Is it possible to meditate ourselves into bliss? Unfortunately, the answer is “No”. We are about as likely to be successful by doing this as we would be if we decided to run a marathon by telling our legs to run. But just as it is possible to train our bodies to perform better, it IS also POSSIBLE to train our minds to serve us better. Similar to physical training, mental training must be intentional, consistent, and progressive to obtain and sustain the highest results. Likewise, it is not necessarily a straight upward progression. There will be plateaus, dips, and even moments of regression. This is normal and expected. But in less time than you might imagine, you can find yourself noticing your reactions, deciding if they are based on the truth or on a lie created by your survival brain, and responding with more discernment and clarity.
If this idea of training your brain to work more effectively and dismantle the biggest lie appeals to you, I highly recommend that you read:
by Shirzad Chamine.
Good stuff.
X will never be happy, now that Elon is in charge.
Truth be told, though, it was never really a happy place before, either.