Pisar na bola! A Docs Gone Wild Follow-up
We don’t usually do follow-ups on “Docs Gone Wild” alumni, but sometimes a graduate distinguishes herself. Consideration is given for a number of factors, including degree of “wild,” novel aspects not otherwise covered, obvious professional interest/risk management, potential to offend (hopefully), and whether the story has legs.
Stephanie Russell, MD, pediatrician, got in some trouble in 2022 for her SECOND attempt (the first was in 2018) to hire a hitman to rub out her ex-husband, when she actually tried to pay an FBI agent. While her husband-killing tendency has a questionable legal and social acceptability, she deserves points for perseverance, if not for task completion. Perhaps that felt not too dissimilar to pediatrics, when the endless waves of viruses and sticky wailing will never, ever end, no matter how many new shots Pfizer tries to sell.
Granted, hiring a hitman is pretty pedestrian, not to mention dumb, especially for a second try. And she agreed to a button fee of $7,000. There are just some times you don’t want to go cheap. Do Russell pled guilty last month to trying to hire a hit man, leaving her staring down the barrel of a possible 12-year prison term.
“Russell, 53, fainted during the guilty plea hearing, hitting her head on a table. She was treated by a U.S. Marshal during a 30-minute break.” Damn, that must have been fun to watch. Did she need a head CT? Could she claim post-concussive syndrome so debilitating it caused secondary RSD, allowing her to later sue the marshals for ex post facto disability and loss of consortium? Those Kentucky prisons might get mighty cold in the winter.
Her ex- said that his family is ready for “closure.” How will this guy feel in 15 years when a bitter 65-year old woman gets loose and has nothing to lose?
The jury apparently didn’t buy the defense argument that she was “’delusional’ and acting under ‘extreme emotional disturbance’,” although for them it may have already been baked into the (fruit)cake.
She sent texts to a purported Brazilian “spiritual healer” seeking “a death spell,” and wondering whether “a sacrifice would be used.” May we presume a living creature sort of sacrifice? How big, and what species? So in Brazil, healers can also do death spells? Man, how tough must it be to re-certify for your boards in Brazil? And how do they handle their MOCs to keep them culturally competent?
“The unnamed woman responded the price rate would depend on the number of people involved but that she had an 85% death rate and it could be done within hours using Voodoo,” which is even more effective than a Moderna mRNA series, and probably more expeditious.
Now this gets interesting. “Records show that on Nov. 25, 2019, a detective with the Louisville Metro Police Department’s Crimes Against Children Unit met with a special agent from the FBI. The LMPD detective believed she had uncovered a murder-for-hire plot during her investigation into child abuse allegations reported by Russell against her ex-husband.”
It seems the detective might not have seen any smoldering fire had not Russell been sending up smoke signals already. Then the doc “approached two nurses at the business on separate occasions and asked each of them for assistance in killing her ex-husband.” How many times do we have to tell colleagues, leave your personal business at home and don’t smear it all over the staff?
“According to the affidavit, during a phone call, Russell initially asked for him to be held hostage and was forced to text her an apologetic suicide note before being killed. The document alleges Russell informed the undercover agent she had been vocal about her hate towards him to a lot of people and was worried she would look guilty, which is why she requested the suicide note.” That doesn’t sound very delusional to me.
Takeaway points:
Don’t hire hit men. If you do, don’t be repetitive.
Don’t seek bargain rates for important jobs.
Don’t draw attention to yourself, especially if you are up to questionable activity. Let’s keep those medical licenses and DEA numbers up to date, and never, ever threaten to bomb the AAFP headquarters.
Don’t talk about your business in public. Your co-workers may love you, but none of them love you that much, hopefully.
And with all due respect to that rich culture, if you visit a Brazilian steakhouse, maybe make sure the chef doesn’t have any side hustle.
I love your writing style! Thank you for the work you put in to craft such masterpieces!
Thank you very much, most kind.